fightevenharder

fightevenharder @ 2009-12-12T22:46:00

2009-12-13T03:46:52Z

wow. my roommate basically just told me that he thinks i dislike teaching and think some kids are stupid.

this is so far from reality it's absurd, but i can't help but think... something i'm saying or doing is giving him that impression. he didn't get that from nowhere.

i KNOW i don't feel that way, so HOW do i come off that way?

i feel like things like this happen to me so much. people give me their impressions of me/my opinions and they're so incredibly far from my own perceptions/actual feelings. how does this happen? my only conlcusion is that i have some sort of social/communication issue, and that's scary. this seriously happens so much. it makes me wonder how often people choose not to get to know me because of something i say or do..

i've been called a homebody, people have thought that i'm straight edge, someone thought i was extremely religious and saving myself for marriage, someone thought i was disgusted by people with disabilities... these are just the things i think of off the top of my head. these are all things people have thought after spending a decent amount of time around me. none of them are anywhere close to true or right. i don't get it?

fightevenharder @ 2009-12-12T19:45:00

2009-12-13T00:45:52Z

I CAN'T START MY WORK.

I have to start my work.

fightevenharder @ 2009-12-05T20:43:00

2009-12-06T01:43:36Z

i'm so sick of grad school right now. it is incredible.

i have so much work and i never want to do anything because i'm constantly so stressed out and busy. i've been making excuses to get out of things like hanging out with people or going out to the bars because i either have so much work or i'm too tired because i did so much work. things i would enjoy if i weren't sleep deprived and overworked.

i know i'm so lucky to even have the opportunity to be in grad school but i'm so disadvantaged because i have to work at the same time and i have to take other classes at the same time as my internship because i can't afford not to. it's so ridiculous. some of the people in my intern class have way more time than i do to work on things and then spend their free time at their lake houses. really. it must be fucking nice. i know people say money doesn't buy happiness, but having some fucking money would make my life a hell of a lot easier right now.

i STILL need over $5000 of dental work that i have no way to pay for.
something is wrong with my car and it wont start half of the time.
i had to pay UNH 600 dollars because i fucked up my registration last summer.
i recently had to pay a $140 vet bill.
I JUST found out i had to register for the praxis to get my teaching license.. another $130.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

fightevenharder @ 2009-11-18T23:43:00

2009-11-19T04:44:05Z

I lost my last little mouse tonight. At 2 years and 4 months old, though, she was really old, so I was lucky.

Rest in peace, Maitsuku Mouse. <3

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-29T19:12:00

2009-10-29T23:15:53Z

i'm feeling kinda crappy but i wanna go to this show tonight. math the band is at unh. ridiculous.

i'm dizzy and tired. i'm sick of sleeping for six hours a night.

i'm moving to new york city. pretty much for sure at this point. I'M MOVING TO NEW YORK CITY.

i'm having a heart attack. it's going to be insane.

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-23T23:00:00

2009-10-24T03:01:05Z

i think something is burning in my house.

my body hurts from the gym.

i ate so much but im still so hungry. guuuh

money

2009-10-16T01:56:48Z

heat $85
car repairs $370
parent's electricity bill: $125
UNH: i think i owe $450 suddenly?
all the other bills and rent: $3162474683567964

uggggh

my mom drove off from the gas station with her wallet on top. it contained $500 she was about to deposit at the bank. the wallet hasn't turned up. sooo i had to pay $125 to keep their electricity on.

ALSO, unh called tonight and my classes werent registered properly from the summer and now i owe them a ton of money.

also my muffler crapped out.

guh. GUH.

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-11T23:31:00

2009-10-12T03:33:05Z

THERE IS A MOUSE IN MY HOUSE. I saw it. We had a staring match. Then it wobbled up a pipe back into a hole IN THE CEILING. The mouse has ninja magic. BUT.. it ATE MY RAMEN!

don't know how to deal with this without hurting the mouse? :sigh:

also a baby cried at work today for over an hour straight. it couldnt have been more than a year old and it just kept reaching for its mom's coffee yelling "MAH COFFEEEEEE!!!" it was absurd.

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-09T17:13:00

2009-10-09T21:16:49Z

anyone else wanna take a crack at me while im down?

my roommate was on the phone today talking to my other roommate and i could hear him saying he didn't want to hang out at home if myself and this other girl "were just gonna be there fucking yakking". awesome.
it makes me wonder who else thinks i'm dumb/annoying/whatever. it makes me feel stupid and awful and like no one actually likes me. i hate this feeling.

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-06T23:19:00

2009-10-07T03:19:24Z

yikes stripes

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-04T23:04:00

2009-10-05T03:06:14Z

so.. I gave my sixth graders a completely incorrect definition of the word organism.

I never knew plants were organisms.

fightevenharder @ 2009-10-02T16:58:00

2009-10-02T21:00:02Z

well, i just lost my muffler.

awesome.

fightevenharder @ 2009-09-28T23:43:00

2009-09-29T03:49:34Z

my life is a whirlwind.
no. a tornado.

i had a fever thursday. it was gone but i think maybe it's back.

i think i lost four pounds.

i yelled at my roommate and called her an asshole because she mocked me after i shut the door and i heard her. i've gone from terrified to confront people in circumstances like this to being almost hilariously up front about it. i still crack and stop acting tough when i get an apology though. actually this time i only got half an apology. an "i'm sorry we were loud but you definitely just misheard us." a sorry without saying sorry. i know what i heard. she's moving out in two days.

whatever.

there was just a big crash downstairs. i think there's a phantom in my living room. no. two phantoms.

i need to go to bed.
i'm going to bed.

fightevenharder @ 2009-09-19T08:56:00

2009-09-19T12:57:59Z

i just had a horrible nightmare. it was about the crazy skinheads who crashed my birthday party. they came back to kill me when i was having a party with my family in concord. i feel like im going to puke. i hate those people so much.

fightevenharder @ 2009-09-18T16:05:00

2009-09-18T20:06:24Z

i climbed a mountain. i am very extremely proud of myself.

fightevenharder @ 2009-08-21T09:35:00

2009-08-21T13:36:02Z

passed my driver's test. also, today IS MY MUTHAFUCKING BIRTHDAY WHATTTT!

I am Jack's nerbous breakdown. lolz

2009-08-19T02:48:58Z

I am a bundle of nerves. I am so anxious. My driver's test is in the morning.

If I don't pass, I seriously screw up my internship because it starts before I can take the test again.

I should have gotten on this much sooner. Like five years ago.

AHH. I HAVE TO PASS. I'm freaking out. .. . . .

sk;sd adfglkndfkladf adaldfkhldfkds bdflsm blkds nksdfdsf nsfn fnfs

fightevenharder @ 2009-08-15T19:40:00

2009-08-15T23:42:07Z

dover is uncomfortable and full of people that make me sad and angry. when this lease is up i'll definitely be ready to move. probably to new york city.. center of the universe.

went to the beach today. everyone is arguing with someone, and for a few minutes that included me. it wasn't a good day off.

give it away give it away give it away now

2009-08-14T03:05:27Z

mystery rash on mike is poison ivy! he looks awful. it is so sad.

i'm feeling tired and worn out. so much work in the past few days. so much to come.

JUNE: 2 summer classes, work 25-30 hrs/week. CONSTANT RAIN.

JULY: 1 INTENSE summer class (8hrs/wk in class, 2oish hrs of homework/week), work 25-30 hrs/week

AUG 1-14: 45 hrs/wk with 30 middle schoolers at theatre camp. completely exhausting. tons of driving practice. anxiety through the roof.

AUG 15-20: WORK WORK WORK

AUG 21-24: BIRTHDAY! BREAK! 2 NIGHTS OF CAMPING! YES!

AUG 25: TEACHER WORKSHOPS BEGIN. SUMMER=OVER.

THANKS FOR NOT EXISTING, SUMMER! YEAH!

:(

fightevenharder @ 2009-08-07T00:05:00

2009-08-07T04:11:11Z

My sister's friend was raped/sexually assaulted five times by her step dad. she broke down in school and came forward. The guy's already commited a murder (at age 15 he stabbed an elderly woman to death in the neck with a pencil) and he sexually assaulted her older sister two years ago while teaching her to drive. (WHO THE FUCK LET HIM CONTINUE TO LIVE WITH ANOTHER MINOR? WHY DIDN'T HER MOM DITCH HIS SORRY ASS? WHY DIDN'T HE GO STRAIGHT BACK TO JAIL?)

The trial was today. The defense ripped her apart and accused her of lying because she couldn't remember the exact times of the attacks.

They also said she made everything up because she didn't like him and was jealous that her mom gave him more attention.

When she began to sob, they said "WHY ARE YOU CRYING? BECAUSE WE CAUGHT YOU IN A LIE?"

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

They found his SEMEN in her bed.

The WORST thing: Her mom is siding with the GUY and calling her a liar. She even lied and said the semen was from THEM having sex in their daughter's bed. (This was later determined to be a lie because her DNA was not present in the semen pool or in the bed.. only his and her daughter's.)

I feel so sick. I'm so angry. I can't even express my anger.

fightevenharder @ 2009-08-05T17:52:00

2009-08-05T21:54:03Z

working at theatre camp again. it's fine but im up at 7:30 and home at like 5:30 every day and im exhausted already. working with kids is fun but man.. almost ten hours a day of it makes me want to cry.

fightevenharder @ 2009-08-01T19:44:00

2009-08-01T23:46:01Z

I forgot to close the blinds on my bathroom window before my shower. right before getting in i realized it suddenly and looked out the window and saw my neighbor (late 40s early 50s) staring at me. i feel like im going to puke.

fightevenharder @ 2009-07-27T00:37:00

2009-07-27T04:37:46Z

rest in peace, jellybean. you were adorable, although senile, and i'll miss you.

the time has come, the walrus said, to talk of many things.

fightevenharder @ 2009-07-10T14:57:00

2009-07-10T18:58:08Z

i dont want there to be a show tonight. im tired and i just want to sleep.

fightevenharder @ 2009-07-07T15:37:00

2009-07-07T19:39:02Z

where is the sunshine? what the f, summer?